friends · Life · Writing

My break up with the so called ‘best friend’

I stand alone once more
I stand alone once more

It was about 4 years ago when i realised this person who called herself my best friend was the person behind all the vicious rumours, the reason why i lost all my other friends and why i was now isolated, alone.I don’t know why or how to explain it but the thought of seeing her would make me feel ill. I would get so anxious i would make myself physically sick.

About 6 months ago i reconnected with a friend that i was told didn’t want anything to do with me, that she has things she needs to deal with and not to contact her. I ignored the warnings and reached out, i’m so glad i did. After a  big night out we started talking, and all the lies, the betrayals and everything i suspected was true.

On the 24th of April, 2016 I finally bit the bullet and deleted my so called ‘best friend’ from my life. That morning i had been skimming through Facebook i noticed something odd, her posts had disappeared. I opened her page and there it was, we were still friends but she had blocked me from seeing everything she had ever posted. I didn’t understand what had happened, it’s not like she called or texted me much anymore so i couldn’t really ask. I should have but i didn’t. Enough was enough, i couldn’t believe this person had blocked me yet was freely seeing everything i posted so i hit that unfriend button without a second thought.

We first met in year 8, that was 12 years ago. She was new to the school and intriguing. She had stories of leaving a small town to move to the big city, of a boyfriend she didn’t want to leave, a maybe baby and a death by car accident. I was fascinated, i knew nothing outside the city, what was country life really like? She was fascinating I hung on her every word. I would go to her house most afternoons, her older sister was always out, her younger brother down the street annoying someone else, her mum worked late and her dad was not around much.

Like every other teenage girl we had our arguments, our disagreements, we stopped talking in our senior year at school. We both graduated high school and celebrated with our own friends. About 3 months after graduation i turned 18 and we reconnected out at the pub one night. Again she was intriguing, she had all these wonderful stories. She was always dating someone, even in high school she didn’t go a week without a new boyfriend.

We had both met new groups of people, her at university me at one of the jobs i was working. For about 3 months i went off the grid, i was working to the point of physical exhaustion. Under duress i slowed down a bit from working until my body healed and i then began to party a little to hard. As i was the only one to live out of home, most Friday and Saturday nights were spent partying the night away at my place. She would turn up almost every week with a new guy.

At one of my parties she told me she was moving out of home, she was moving in with these 2 guys she met at the local RSL. Her living with these guys didn’t last very long, before i knew it she had moved into my one bedroom granny flat and was sleeping on my fold out lounge. Before i could blink i had a room mate i never agreed to. She stayed on my couch for 4 months. She wore my clothes, she ate my food and slept in my bed when i had left for work.

I didn’t think much of any of this at the time, my mum was constantly telling me i had to ask her to leave, my brother put my rent up as i was now using double the electricity and double the water, i was buying double the amount of groceries and paying to put petrol in a car i didn’t even own.

During her residence on my couch she stopped working, she stopped studying, refused to speak to her mother and refused to pick up her stuff from the guys place. She would spend her days hanging out with one bunch of friends then at night she would pick me up and we’d go out with ‘our’ friends. One night i arrived home from work to find her father had passed away, he was living in America with his girlfriend at the time. She appeared to be upset about it, which surprised me as she hardly spoke about him and when she did it was with disgust. She quickly made her decision about going to America to see him. She had no money and hated him so the choice was made, to stay here and grieve in her own way. I tried to help as best i could but having such a financial strain i couldn’t really help but to lend a shoulder.

One night when i was out drinking with our friends, i confided in my friend who the week before had become the boyfriend of the moment. Her living with me was costing me so much. I told him about my rent going up, that i was buying the food and filling the petrol tank and i couldn’t do it much longer. I got home the following day to find her packing her suitcases visibly upset, he had told her. She accepted it, apologising for putting me through what she did, said she’d call me and we’d go out as normal. That afternoon she moved back in with her mum.

Over the next year, her younger brother got into a bit of trouble, she got engaged to her boyfriend and i was headed overseas on an adventure to work at a summer camp.

On my return everything seemed to be back to normal, she was working and happily engaged. She had finally allowed me to hangout with her other group of friends, she was getting married and they were going to be bridesmaids to so i guess it was inevitable! We all got along, had a blast and 2 years later we stood at the alter and witnessed our friends get married.

That’s when things took another turn.

The following year she told me she was pregnant, with twins, girls who 9 months later would be stillborn. I stood by her side, i did everything i could. I had heard the rumours, she was smoking the whole way through the pregnancy and this apparently wasn’t the first one. There was no ultrasound photo and somehow her husband had never arrived in time for the appointments. With the rumours ripe, i began to see her change, she had refused to come back to work but refused to tell the company we were working with which eventually became my task.

She became difficult to deal with, when i would see her all she would do is bitch about our other friends, tell me all the mean degrading things they would say about me. At the time i was the only single one, i was the free spirit, the independent one, so when i started dating someone she wasn’t happy about it. It also ending a couple of friendships along the way.

After my partner and i moved in together that was pretty much the beginning of the end, she would make comments about me finally growing up and becoming domesticated. Our brunch dates became fewer and we drifted further apart. She ended up moving about an hour from where i lived and it all became too much effort to see me.

It’s been over a month since i pulled the cord, since she has deleted and blocked me on all social media platforms but all i can feel is relief, it’s like the days are brighter, things taste better and dare i say it… i am happier!

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